Everything Is About Becoming. But What About Who You’re Being Now?

What if all the work you're doing to get where you want to go is actually keeping you from getting there? 

I was obsessed with becoming and taking action. 

Becoming a better version of myself. Becoming more successful. Becoming more confident so that I could walk into any room unapologetically. I was ready to become the woman I was called to be.

I felt like if I just followed the right formula that I would have it all figured out. So I spent all my time obsessively collecting more information and learning everything that I possibly could. 

But I wanted to just be there already. So this fueled my drive and it kept me pushing harder to do more to make things happen. I began to wonder why things weren’t working out when I was working so hard when hard work is supposed to pay off. 

What I learned is that not all action is created equal and that movement isn’t the same thing as progress. 

It got me thinking: What if I was moving, but I was taking action that wasn't actually taking me closer to where I desired to be? What if I was doing everything that seemed “right” or logical, but I was doing them from a place that was keeping me from what I actually wanted?

That question changed the way I looked at taking action. And it changed the way I looked at waiting. 

Love what you’re reading?

Subscribe to The Art of Waiting Well on Substack and have new insights on identity, transition, discernment, and who you’re being now delivered to your inbox by clicking the button below.

Sometimes waiting doesn’t look like waiting at all

I’ve always thought of waiting as sitting still. Doing nothing and being patient until the right time comes. Waiting until I knew the exact move to make. 

But what if waiting can look like movement? 

What if you can be doing all of the things that are “supposed” to do to move you forward, while still keeping yourself from actually moving toward what you want?

I think of it like holding your arms out in front of you keeping a safe distance between you and the things that you want. You can see what you want. You can imagine what it would feel like to have it. You may even believe that it's coming. But you're keeping it just far enough away that you don't actually have a hold of it yet.

It’s because there are parts of you that are saying not yet. Soon. When I'm ready. When the timing is right. When those messages are running in the background it makes it difficult to actually take hold of what you want. So it looks like you're moving, but you're still waiting for something to happen before you allow yourself to fully move toward it. 

And this is where I think we get tripped up.

Because sometimes the thing standing between us and what we want isn't a lack of action. It's taking action from a place that keeps us from moving toward it. 

What’s driving your actions?

What I have realized is that we spend most of our time asking: What should I do next? When we should be focused on: Who am I being while I'm doing it?

The same action can carry completely different energy depending on what’s driving it. 

This is why you can either plan from trust or from fear. You can research from curiosity. Or you can research because you don't trust yourself to make a decision. You can take action because you're excited about what's possible. Or you can take action because you're desperate to finally get somewhere else.

From the outside, the actions you take may look exactly the same. But internally, they’re completely different. And I think we underestimate how much that matters. Because you can take an action that looks like it will be the move that changes everything while still moving from an energy that keeps you stuck.

When we’re able to slow down and consider what the energy behind our actions may be trying to communicate, we’re able to align ourselves with the right next step. 

So what about being?

I have moved away from thinking about who I am becoming and I have focused on who I am being and this has shifted everything. 

Becoming can keep things at a distance. Being allows them to be here now. Not someday. Not when the circumstances change. Not when the opportunity arrives. Not when you finally feel ready.

Now.

You don’t have to wait to be that version of yourself, you can be her now. 

It’s being able to connect with how that version of yourself would navigate the particular situation and then take action from that place. 

And this doesn't mean pretending you've already arrived. It doesn't mean bypassing what is difficult. It doesn't mean forcing yourself to act like you have confidence when you're afraid.

It means becoming conscious of the woman you are choosing to be in every moment.

This is what waiting well actually means.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to wait well. Waiting well isn't about sitting quietly until something outside of you changes. It's not endlessly preparing yourself for the moment when you're finally ready. And it's definitely not putting your life on hold while you wait for clarity, certainty, permission, or an open door.

Waiting well is being present enough to notice what is happening within you while you're waiting. It's listening. It's discerning. It's developing the capacity to trust yourself. 

It's connecting with the woman on the other side of the waiting and understanding what is driving her actions. How is she planning, preparing, or praying? How is she navigating the moments of uncertainty? 

It’s knowing that version of yourself so intimately that you become so deeply connected to her. She’s no longer someone you hold away from you at arm’s length.

She is here now. 

All of these questions inform how you wait, what actions to take, and when you take them. 

Because the most important question you can ask yourself is: Who are you choosing to be while you wait? 

And then: How do my actions support that version of me? 

For the woman in leadership standing at the threshold of a defining transition who knows  she’s not available for a plateau—I offer private 1:1 work through Expansion.

Expansion is an immersive experience designed to help you move beyond what has sustained your life, approach what’s next differently, and close the gap between your identity and your current reality now. Click below to learn more.